My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
