I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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