i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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