Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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