So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
