when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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