Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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