There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
