he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
