What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
