By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
