Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
