Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
