I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Screwed.edu
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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