Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
