Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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