I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
