How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
