On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
