Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
