NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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