doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
