Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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