Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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