All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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