True but thats because hes a fetus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
