i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
