dude i'm inner monologue high
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So here I am, sexting at work.
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