At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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