I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
