why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
