It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
