Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
