hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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