I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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