best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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