well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
