god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
