Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
