he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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