drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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