I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
