why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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