whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
