just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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