When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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