hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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