This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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