You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
