yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
