I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
